Visual Heartbreak
Intentions
Resentment
It was not your fault.
You should take some responsibility, though…
You have to understand that a person’s mind is their most powerful adversary. It can play the role of an ally or a rival – and at that point in time, it was your enemy.
It was not your fault.
The first time it happened, you swore you’d forgive and forget. And I’ll admit it - you made some honest attempts… you really did. But that’s the main problem with thoughts: they’re snowballs. Something so minuscule and seemingly anachronistic, feeds off of a faint emotion and slowly drives you insane. Eating away at any slight chance of happiness. Not returning a phone-call or breakfast with a friend is escalated into imaginary scenarios…
It was not your fault.
You tried to change. Minimized the sarcastic remarks, the arguments and ‘I don’t believe you’s.’ But it was too late; you were both already damaged beyond repair. Thanks to that wicked mind of yours.
All of your troubles come from your inability to sit in a room by yourself.
#mpfrias – “Resentment”
The Perfect Woman
The Haunting
Just Friends
Can men and women be just friends?
Imagine this scenario:
Boy and girl meet (at a public place – perhaps school, work, etc), through common friends or other connections of the sort. They spend some time together and after a few mutually enjoyable conversations, both parties decide that they like the other person’s company. A few weeks rush by…
A relationship (or any type of attraction) has never been mentioned (on either side). Whenever they ‘hang out,’ it is always in a very casual setting, and if there are any food or drinks involved, they either split the bill or take turns paying the tab. Both the girl and boy speak openly to each other about their past relationships or current flings; there is no sign of jealousy, simply the exchange of ‘friendly advice.’ They ultimately develop a very close friendship.
One day, while sharing a beer after watching a baseball game, the girl shares the news that her on and off boyfriend finally proposed and she is engaged.
The friend suddenly grew distant, and later reaches out to her saying that he cannot believe she did that to him. In his eyes, she lead him on knowing that he had deep feelings for her. He felt as if all of his ‘invested time’ has gone to waste.
^In a nutshell, here is the STORY OF MY LIFE (along with the lives of 98% of women).
I personally believe that men and women will only keep their relationship platonic if:
- One person is not interested
- Outer sources would impede the relationship’s growth:
- She/he is in a relationship (In this case, the ‘friend’ would ‘wait around’)
- She/he is your boss/ co-worker (would be inappropriate)
- She/he dated your friend (THE BRO CODE)
In all of these cases, you definitely wouldn’t mind hooking up with that person, but decide that it isn’t worth the drama.
Before even slightly touching this subject, I reflected on my current friendships with men, and asked myself this question: Why aren’t we together (or why haven’t we hooked up)? Answers varied from “because I’m off limits,” to “because we shouldn’t ruin our friendship.” Most of the time, however, the answer was simply “because I don’t want to.”
@mp.frias
I asked some of my Instagram followers “Can men and women be friends?” and received about 50 very detailed comments, including two arguments and a block. Here are some of their responses:
“I don’t know about this one… maybe if they grew up together or they aren’t attracted to each other. My personal experience is that someone eventually may feel something more for the other, which can lead to a relationship / hook-up or mutual agreement that they should stop hanging out as often. Even if you’re friends for years I feel like at some point someone will start to wonder hmm what if? Which always = trouble for that friendship.”
“If she’s ugly, yes.”
“Rare, yes. Under certain circumstances. Indubitably hard to come by.”
“Yes, one of my closest friends is a guy. Neither one of us has had feelings for one another… that I know of.”
“Only way a man can be friends with a girl is 1 if he is not attracted to her in that cuffin way, but if she gives him sex he will take it… 2 if she went out with his bro or is his bro’s sister… 3 if she’s not wit it with him but if he likes her he wont be a true friend…”
“I’ve always thought yes, I would never date a guy friend and I’ve always been one of the guys all my life. They’ve always eventually tried and I would laugh it off and never take it serious. One time a friend of mine for 6 years confessed he loved me ever since he saw me, that’s when I began to understand that men and women cannot be friends, it will happen eventually.”
“No.” (Received this response over 20 times, in a plethora of ways. Also submitted was “Nope” “Def not” and “Nah”)
“Possible? Yes. But the case for every guy/girl friendship? No. Just cause two people are attractive doesn’t mean they connect in a romantic way. It depends on the connection and the type of relationship you build with someone…”
“Not really… if you’re not already attracted to them sexually sooner or later you will be. A lot of guys/girls know that’s where they stand in the relationship. But don’t be fooled, the second she/he leaves an opening they’re definitely taking it. Opposite sex friends are secretly attracted to each other… Reason is simple, the perfect women/man for us is someone we can be lovers and friends with.”
“Are none of you friends with Mercedes, just devoted fans?”
*
THE FRIENDZONE
A commonly used term in the 21st century where two people are in a platonic relationship, but one of them secretly, or sometimes not so secretly, hopes for romance. This misogynistic, and completely imaginary, label places blame on the person who is not interested in a romantic relationship. People who claim to have been wrongly ‘friendzoned’ are usually discussing the condition in terms of the other man or woman liking ‘jerks’ or ‘assholes.’ They consider themselves a ‘good guy’ (or girl), and feel that they deserve* to be with the person of their choosing.
*Deserve: verb - Do something or have or show qualities worthy of.
WHO exactly is to say whether someone is worthy of something?
Is it really such an abstract thought that people have different preferences? That just because you consider yourself a ‘nice guy/girl,’ someone might place humor, intelligence, height, morality, or personal style in a higher ranking than your agreeableness. Maybe he/she sees your gratifying personality as submission as opposed to charm… or maybe, they just don’t like you.
“NICE GUYS”
I have a huge problem with men who consider themselves ‘nice guys.’ Granted, I have a huge problem with a lot of people but let’s focus on this small portion for now:
First of all, these are the morons that claim women only date ‘jerks’ and ‘assholes,’ when in reality, women date whoever they’re attracted to – and that just happened TO NOT BE YOU.
Secondly, they believe that all women owe them something. Oh, you asked her to meet you at TGI Friday’s after work, to have a seemingly innocuous drink for happy hour, and then got upset when she didn’t make out with you? You opened the door for her to pass and she didn’t immediately ask for your hand in marriage? What a bitch! *rolls eyes* Every single thing has an ulterior motive with these guys! Even after you’ve expressed your disinterest. If you are performing these so-called ‘nice gestures’ whilst expecting something in return, you AREN’T A NICE PERSON. That’s like giving to charity just to get a tax-break.
“A gentleman is just a patient wolf”
Thirdly: ‘Nice guys’ have an unrealistic view of romance. They feel like there is some kind of meter that gets them closer and closer to the finish line the more he buys for her or the more he compliments her. This is not “The Sims,” get it together.
I’m not going to fucking praise you for treating a woman like a human being.
What if I told you that being nice to a girl doesn’t automatically obligate her to be romantically interested in you?
A perfect example of this would be the movie 500 Days of Summer. For those who haven’t seen it, here’s your spoiler: Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love. Girl doesn’t.
A huge percentage of viewers have critiqued Summer, played by the sarcastically charming Zooey Deschanel, for breaking Tom (played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt)’s heart. She outwardly stated that she did not want a relationship countless times throughout the movie, and ultimately left him and got married with someone else (a year later).
“It was a widely misinterpreted movie… people tend to say, ‘ why didn’t she end up with him? He was so nice!’ But I think he was really quite guilty of projecting a fantasy onto this girl that was pretty wrapped up in his own selfish point of view.”
-Joseph Gordon-Levitt on his Character
*
Disclaimer: I am not, under any circumstances trying to say that good people are nonexistent – on the contrary, I think they are the majority. I am, however, trying to shed light on a few commonly used phrases and attempting to debunk a standard belief. Do not let your nice guy label have quotations around it.
#MPFRIAS
Wondering if you’re a “nice guy”? Take this test to find out!
The Blank Slate
The Cycle
Ulterior Motives
First World Problems
During my well deserved vacation in December, I traveled to The Dominican Republic for a little over a week, and I can safely say that it was the best decision of my life. Not only was it overwhelmingly fun, but life changing. The entire trip was a huge humbling experience.
It reminded me of two things: a video and an article.
The video I thought of showed people in developing countries read posts from the #FirstWorldProblems hashtag. It is completely mind blowing to see a person living in extreme poverty say things like “I hate it when my leather seats aren’t heated."
If you can't see the video, press here
WOAH
I know.
Here are a few more reality checks to make you feel even worse:
780 million people lack access to clean water.
Okay, hold on. I had to read this a few times in order for it to sink in.
Seven hundred and eighty million people in the world are unable to grab a cup, walk to their fridge, push the little magic button on the side where the ice comes out, and drink 8 ounces of properly filtered water.
Seven hundred and eighty million people in the world are unable to walk to their bathroom shove the glass door to the side, and take a warm shower while standing on white tiles.
100 million people worldwide are homeless.
Of those, 2.5 million are in the USA.
1.37 million homeless people in America are children under 18.
72 million children of school age were not in school this year.
57% were young girls.
A billion people entered the 21st century unable to read a book or sign their names.
(I bet you idiots want to learn the difference between their, there, and they’re, now).
Almost half the world, 3 BILLION people live on less than $2.50 a day.
385 million live on less than $1 a day.
1.6 billion people live without electricity.
1.6 billion people rely on sunlight and candles.
No TV, no phones, no laptops.
That is about a quarter of humanity.
1 out of every 4 people in the world.
IS ANYBODY ELSE FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS?
2.5 billion people do not have indoor plumbing.
1.8 billion people have access to a water source within 1 kilometer, but not in their house or yard.
There are more people with a cellphone than a toilet.
What
the
fuck?
The world’s richest 20% consume 76.6%. The world’s poorest 20% consume 1.5%.
This statistic fucking disgusted me. Granted, it is from 2005 - but the worst part is that the information is possibly even more appalling in 2014.
Take a second to stop and think about what you’re doing right now.
In bed? On your couch?
Reading this post on your smartphone /iPad?
Now think about the last time you were upset.
Did you not get a text back?
Was your train a little late?
You couldn’t find your favorite shoes?
Do me one last favor.
Stop your fucking whining you ungrateful piece of shit.
Now, back to my trip to DR.
Walking by houses made completely of wood, with no running water or electricity, while carrying a $600 camera, $400 handbag, wearing $150 jeans and $200 shades really makes you question what the hell you’re doing with your life.
Though I cannot promise that I will completely stop splurging on designer items, I will definitely be more mindful of what I do and say. Too often, Americans take for granted what some countries only dream of. I am guilty of saying things like “I’m starving,” when my last meal was a few hours ago, or complaining about my steak being “too cooked” when I specifically asked for medium rare, and everyone’s favorite: I have nothing to wear.
Today I opened my fridge and a jar of Ragu fell on the floor. I was so upset that I now had to clean up that delicious, meaty, mess that I caught myself saying “Who put this in here? There isn’t space for anything in this damn fridge!” I immediately stopped myself and thought, am I really upset at the fact that I have too much food? Talk about being instantly humbled.
Don’t get me wrong, I practice gratitude every single day and I am very well aware of how incredibly blessed I am, but sometimes it is easy to get too comfortable in your current situation and overlook the simplest advantages you have.
The second thought that my trip reminded me of was an article I read that honored DR with second place in the “Happiest Countries in the World” list. Costa Rica coming in first and Australia, third. (The United States ranked 114). They were able to justify the ranking with a report on happiness and satisfaction with life by a British organization. The “Happy Planet Index” seeks countries with the most content people. According to the report, Costa Rica has the highest life satisfaction in the world, and the second highest average life expectancy. Here are the articles: CNN, DominicanToday, Examiner
Why are the inhabitants of The Dominican Republic so happy? What is the meaning behind the 112 point difference between the latin island and the United States?
The answer is simple: STRESS FREE LIVING.
DR, is obviously run the same way that the USA is (or close to it). They are a Democracy, they have a currency and definitely work for their money. They have the 9th largest economy in Latin America and the 2nd largest in the Caribbean. Putting their amazing weather all year ‘round, aside, what else can possibly be so different? Dominicans do not have the constant social pressure that Americans, especially New Yorkers, face every day. The running up and down and rushing to work and speeding back home is driving us insane!
We talk about the 1%, but the separation of wealth is even more blatant in the Dominican Republic. Walking down the unpaved streets, you will encounter a small one room shack made of cement, and next-door, a private, 3 floor, 7 bedroom house with an indoor pool.
Bonao is a relatively small town in The Dominican Republic. Very similar to New York, it is safe to say that ‘everybody knows everybody.’ However, a big difference between the two cities, besides the more obvious reasons, is that the people of Bonao actually help each other. My family’s house was constantly full of neighbors coming in and out with plates at lunch time. My grandmother would cover bowls of food and keep them in the kitchen for friends or their children. A big reason why The Dominican Republic has the #2 spot as the happiest country is because they’re raising each other up as a community.
New York is for the cold hearted.
Think about it. You wake up, go to work or school, probably do some socializing in between and come back home to lock yourself into your house or apartment. In DR, there is no secluding yourself from society. You spend your days sitting outside in a rocking chair watching everybody pass by, or maybe in a friend’s backyard drinking a few beers.
All of this constant isolation and belief that you have to make it on your own is what is hindering our happiness.
I always want you guys to leave with something after reading my articles, and today it will be this: You are blessed beyond your wildest imagination. I need you to become more aware of your blessings, and I PROMISE that they will double very soon.
There are many advantages that the United States has over third world countries. Electricity, public housing, running water, etc., but the reason why we are more superior is because the United States has dreams.
This is the country where you can literally start from the bottom and make it to the top. The people in developing countries only have one dream, and that is to get by.
Chase your dream, set some goals and demolish them.
You owe it to the rest of the world.
I sincerely apologize if I sounded a little angry in this post, I just will never understand how one person’s life can be considered more valuable than another’s.
STAY GRATEFUL
#mpfrias
The Art of Letting Go
The ultimate key to happiness lies within your ability to catch and release… the latter being the most important of the two. Humans have a destructive habit of hoarding feelings for longer than what they’re meant to linger, unknowingly damaging their own being.
A widely celebrated fact is that thoughts produce energy, which ultimately construct the world around us. Unfortunately, the power that a negative idea possesses will always prevail over positive ones. Which is exactly why ‘letting go’ is such a vital exercise to practice.
“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.”
*
Last summer, me and four other people were on our way back home from Jones Beach when our car hit another on the highway. We did a complete 360 and skidded off the road. Though the car was totaled and we experienced the scare of a lifetime, we were all extremely lucky that it was sedan that hit us (as opposed to those transformer trucks that typically dominate the freeway). After catching our breath and finally having a chance to sit-down, my younger brother said something strangely compelling: “I’m not surprised that we got into an accident… I saw it coming.” My cousin, another passenger in the newly destroyed vehicle, agrees with “I did too! I was hoping we wouldn’t crash the entire time.” We soon discovered that every single person in the car, including the driver, thought about getting into an accident at least once before finally crashing.
Think of your brain as a magnet. An imaginary, yet powerful magnet that attracts every thought you conceive. Now, envision a car filled to capacity, with five intense magnets – all thinking the same thing: car accident, car accident, car accident. Granted, every person’s thought was hoping against an accident – but the only thing the magnet recovers is: car accident, car accident, car accident.
You’re probably thinking, “is this psycho really implying that she and her annoying friends attracted such a horrible event into their lives?” And I am here to say yes, that is exactly what I’m saying.
The origin of our fear came from different places. First of all, we were drinking at the beach (not the best idea, I know. Spare me from the drunk-driving speech, that was last summer and I am very much aware of what a stupid choice that was). My point is that that alone was enough to make everyone in the car instantly aware of the possible repercussions. Secondly, we were speeding (I had to pee. I told you that I wasn’t the best decision maker in 2013). And finally, we drove past like 40 fricking accidents. Seriously, every time I looked out the damn window there was another car pile-up. It’s like I couldn’t get the damn thought out of my mind even if I tried!
^That right there was a perfect example of A. How much I can ramble on about a subject and B. How detrimental pessimistic thoughts can be.
*
Every single miserable person that you’ve ever come across has one thing in common: they don’t know how to let go of the past. These human carriers of negative energy are very easy to detect: the concept of ‘moving on’ is completely abstract in their eyes, and they probably feel as if the world, or someone in particular, owes them something. They are very easily angered, and the slightest trigger can throw off their entire day.
Here is something that those people all have to read: Nobody owes you anything. Even those who’ve done you wrong.
I know the topic of forgiveness is a tough one to mention, but it is absolutely vital for survival. Trust me, it is just so so so much easier to let go. Most of the time you are condensing all of your energy and directing it towards one person who is more than likely sleeping like a baby at night. You’re only hurting yourself.
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison
and expecting the other person to die"
*
Last semester I had a professor I fucking worshipped (uh-oh, here comes another rant). She was gorgeous, intelligent and funny. She looked like Katy Perry and dressed like Audrey Hep. She taught “Women and Gender in the Americas,” as I sat in the front, drooling. On the first day of class she silently walked into the room, took off her blazer, that was once layering over her knee-length black dress, and exposed her tattooed arm. She then took the time to explain the meaning of every single tattoo on her body, which we later found that each was representing some kind of American feminist movement in history. Basically, she was perfect in my eyes.
That day, she also warned us of her harsh grading, but that was never an issue for me so I didn’t think much of it.
She gave me a C+.
That’s a 78.
Do I look like the type of person that gets 78’s?
I have straight fucking A’s, how dare!
Who the fuck does she think she is?
And to top it off, I emailed her, and the asshole didn’t even answer! Just writing about it makes me want to throw my phone against a wall!
*takes deep breath*
I spent a lonngggg time hoping this woman breaks her leg or something horrible (but not deadly) happens to her.
Does she give a fuck? No, I do.
Is she losing sleep? No, I am.
Am I a bit cynical? LOL Trick question.
Think of every person who has done you wrong:
Every ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend who cheated.
Every friend who’s ever stabbed you in the back.
Every family member who wasn’t there for you when you needed them to be.
Every professor you’ve worshipped who’s given you an unjust grade (or is that just me?)
Think of that person, take a deep breath and say “I forgive you.” By doing so, you are not only releasing all of your negative energy but you are also freeing yourself, which is what’s most important. You deserve peace.
*
Here are a few tips to letting go, hope they help!
1. Do not shut it out
In order to let go, you have to first be able to fully feel. Ignoring a problem will not make it go away. Try to understand people – what they did and why. Listen. Rationalize. Breathe.
2. CRY
It sounds super corny but crying really does help. It releases toxins and harmful chemicals that build up in your body due to stress. Studies show that people feel mentally and emotionally better after they cry. Just be sure to suck it up after, we don’t need any of that whining shit here.
3. When things are over, they have to really be over
Bringing problems up whenever something reminds you of them simply steals your joy. Your boyfriend cheated, you ‘forgave him’ and decided to give it another shot – cool. Why the hell do you feel the need to start an argument whenever you see the chick’s instagram name on your feed? Its either you forgive him or you don’t – stop being annoying. That kind of behavior will only lead to the unhappiness of both parties, when odds are that he probably DID learn his lesson and is honestly trying! (This goes for men as well, fellas – you’re not off the hook).
I can honestly say that I do not hate or even strongly dislike anybody. As fucked up as our past may be, love or indifference is all I will ever feel.
(mostly love)
#mpfrias
Atheism
As a very loud, and unapologetic atheist, the question that I receive the most is “if you don’t believe in ‘god,’ then what do you believe in? You have to believe in something, right?” And as a very loud and unapologetic woman, I usually tell them to ‘fuck off.’
I have never heard of a person having to explain their religion to another, so why should I have to justify my lack thereof?
My readers, as amazing as they may be, are trouble-makers. They love conflict and controversy. They enjoy having debates under my Instagram posts, and I’ll admit that I love starting them. That being the case, this is for you. The person who finds it hilarious whenever I tell someone off or make a sarcastic remark. The ones who are dedicated to reading each post and even request my opinion on certain topics. I owe you an explanation.
Here it is: I am not against the thought of “god,” because I have my own “god” (I just don’t call it that). I am, however, completely opposed to organized religion. (I guess I am more of an anti-theist than an atheist but that just sounds weird).
This brings about my main belief that I do not need religion to be a good person. The things you do should not be a direct effect of the consequences or rewards that you think are coming. A quote I live by is, “you are who you are when nobody is looking.” Answer this, if it was not a commandment, or not in the bible - would you still do the ‘right’ thing? If the answer is no, then you do not need religion, what you’re missing is morality.
What’s wrong with religion?
Indoctrination
Children are sponges who absorb every single word a person says, let alone teaches. To tell a child repeatedly what to believe, is pretty much a way of suppressing the intelligence that they would later need. Telling them that God made the world 6,000 years ago, and to dismiss anyone who tells him/her differently is a form of accepting ignorance.
If you catch a child young enough, while their brain is still developing, and feed them the same thing over and over again, you can persuade them to think anything you want. (For example: Dexter)
Religion teaches you to limit your knowledge by simply saying ‘god did it.’
Indoctrination is the process of inculcating ideas, attitudes, cognitive strategies or a professional methodology. It is often distinguished from education by the fact that the indoctrinated person is expected not to question or critically examine the doctrine they have learned.
In layman’s terms, the indoctrination of religion is pretty much brainwashing.
Answer these questions for me:
-When was the first time you heard of your religion? (that you remember)
-If you were born in a different part of the world (not the USA), lets say Asia or Iraq, would you still identify with the religion that you do now?
Now, if you said yes to the last question - please allow me to call you a fucking liar. Religion is geographically determined.
Think about it: thousands of religions, millions of convinced believers -
now, tell me again why yours is the right one?
Recently, while receiving my daily dosage of TED talks, I came across a specific post that caught my interest. It is called ‘Letting Go of God,’ by Julia Sweeney. (TED > All Talks > Atheism > ‘Julia Sweeney: Letting go of God’) In her speech, she explained that she was raised Christian, went to Catholic school her entire life, was baptized, did her first communion and confirmation - and ultimately began to question her conventional faith and beliefs. (She’s hilarious, definitely recommend this video!)
Discrimination
Here are a few excerpts from the Catholic / Christian bible:
Exodus 21:7-10: You can sell your daughter into slavery and allow her master to rape her.
Leviticus 19:20-22: You can rape your female slave and be forgiven, but the slave must be punished.
Exodus 21:20-21: Bible condones slavery — “When a man strikes his male or female slave with a rod so hard that the slave dies under his hand, he shall be punished. If, however, the slave survives for a day or two, he is not to be punished, since the slave is his own property.”
1 Corinthians 7:4: Apparently, misogyny is a command from God. — “For the wife does not rule over her own body, but the husband does.”
Timothy 2:11: Let a woman learn in silence with all submissiveness. I permit no woman to teach or have authority over men, she is to keep silent.”
“I don’t know if God exists, but it would certainly be better for his reputation if he didn’t.”
-Jules Renard
My war on religion will end the day that women, gays, certain races aren't discriminated against because of a man-made book. The day that an underdeveloped mind is not brainwashed into believing that it needs to be ‘saved’ and threatened into following bullshit ‘commandments’ that have nothing to do with being a good person. I do not need any kind of religious doctrine because I have a perfectly working mind that knows right from wrong and questions everything it hears.
To answer your question, yes, I do believe in something bigger than myself. And though that power is not Jesus Christ, “God,” or Allah, etc., I’ve realized that they have a lot in common!
(Of course, you’d have to ignore the indoctrination of children, intolerance of gays, belittlement and strong belief in submission of women, and then MAYBE you’ll be able to pick out the good - but, you get the point).
My ‘God’
The Universe is my God. There is no need for worship, no ridiculous set of laws, no contradictions, no brainwashing and it accepts every single person regardless of gender, race, and sexual orientation.
There is only one rule: Think good thoughts, do good deeds, and radiate gratitude, and good things will come back to you.
Have you ever waited for a train, and just as you’re about to walk into a cart, something tells you to go into another one? Then while standing on that second-thought train-cart, you bump into someone you haven’t seen in years?
Earlier today, I walked to the store with my co-worker. Almost on cue, an all white Range-Rover speeds past us, leaving our mouths practically watering. I say, ‘look at my car passing by, isn’t she gorgeous?’ and she responds with “Beautiful, I will own that exact car by the end of the year.” Amazed, and honestly quite relieved by her positive outlook on life, I said “If you believe it, you can make it happen. Trust me.” What she said next triggered an avalanche of thoughts: “I have witnessed so many miracles that I am absolutely certain that God is watching out for me. I can tell you stories that even I have difficulty believing. My faith was strong, but it is now more powerful than ever because of these small wonders around me that cannot be written off as coincidences. He is real, and He grants me everything I ask for.”
Naturally, my mouth dropped. These are the exact same thoughts that I worship every single day. For a second, I thought I was speaking to myself. The only difference was that my co-worker decides to believe God is a person in the sky, while I choose to accept that God is the sky.
I believe that you are meant to live your life in abundance. I also trust that anything, literally anything, you ask for - if you believe hard enough it will appear into your life. Your thoughts shape your reality. I know exactly what my co-worker was speaking about because I live it.
I spend my days attracting smalls events or items just to make me smile. Coffee, messages, and even people. Today as I turned on Pandora, I thought “I want to listen to “Hey There Delilah” by The Plain White Tee’s. It took a while to load so I focused on the title as I waited. 10 seconds later the requested song began.
Remember that train scene I just mentioned?
Well, that memory hits a little closer to home than you’d expect. About two years ago, during my dreadful retail days, I was rushing to work (as usual). I grabbed what I thought was a red nail polish, and ran to the train station. When I arrived, not only was the train just pulling away, but I noticed that I grabbed the wrong color. I sat quietly, and began to quickly, in fear of annoying someone with the pungent smell, paint my nails on the train. Well, turns out that the woman next to me loved my nails. I spoke to her for 20 minutes and after winning her over with my charm (haha), she handed me her card.
If I wasn’t late to work,
If I wouldn’t have missed my train,
If I would’ve chosen the correct color of polish,
I would have never met the president of Iman Cosmetics.
My face is on the fucking website of a million dollar industry because I painted my nails on the train.
Everything happens for a reason. Everything is connected.
About 2 years ago I abruptly resigned from my underpaid retail job - deciding that I will no longer be unhappy. I literally clocked-out one night and never went back, without the slightest clue of how I was going to pay my bills. However, instead of worrying about being evicted, I decided to focus on beginning my career. The only thing that I made clear was that I would never be unhappy at a work place again. The next morning I received a call from the DOE. Apparently they found my resume and wanted to offer me a position. I was essentially unemployed for… what? 8 hours?
I had no choice but to smile - look up and say “Thank you.” Now that’s what you call ‘the Universe at work.’ Or ‘God,’ whatever you’re comfortable with.
What’s right with religion?
Here are a few more excerpts from the bible:
Matthew 7:7-8: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”
Philippians 4:6-13: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
“You can bring anything with your thoughts. Align yourself with God consciousness and you can bring about truth in material form. What you think, you create.”
In all honesty, I was very surprised that bible had such uplifting words. I understand that THIS is what some people mean when they think of Christianity, not the hateful aspect of it. However, those same people have to grasp the fact that organized religion as a whole is the problem. My morals do not allow me to believe in a deity that picks favorites. Nor will I forgive myself for worshiping a religion that speaks so horribly of certain people, even if I do choose to only focus on the delightful perspective of it (like most people do).
Though I do not need acceptance from anybody - I felt like this post was vital in clearing up any speculation about my faith.
I want adults, wait let me rephrase that - I want sane, smart, unbrainwashed and awake adults to research religions - ALL of them. Look into them, and then choose - is Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, Catholicism... the one for me?
I don’t want you to think like me.
I just want you to think.
#mpfrias
Just Once
Can you ever feel the same love twice?
Are there stages? Like steps of a ladder.
Once you love - you hurt - you learn; and next time you know better.
Leaving that last level to be eternally stored,
reserved;
ready to interrupt the next moment of temporary deja vu.
Hindering your complete attachment -
constant reminders and “remember what happened last time”’s.
Or maybe,
that intense mind-consuming,
anxiety-provoking,
instant mood-changing, blindness is a condition that can be repeated.
It’s years later and somebody makes you feel sixteen again.
The thought that there is no other love like your first is a bit pessimistic. I agree, your first love is the most genuine, the most pure. Your vulnerability makes it sincere. Your racing thoughts make it exciting. Your daydreams make it real. But, if it is not recurring, then what is the point? Why continue dating or building relationships if nothing will ever compare to those vivid teenage memories? Every other connection after those short-lived months or years as a child, will seem dull and mediocre.
Granted, there is a concrete distinction between your first love and every other dating experience after that.
Your first love is memorable, but will never measure up to the authenticity, security, and maturity of an adult relationship.
What was once infatuation later transforms into truly caring for somebody.
Reliance becomes a co-dependency.
Think about it, do you honestly crave those rudimentary feelings back?
Undeveloped emotions, temporary insanity…
I guess the question isn’t if you can ever feel the same love twice -
rather, would you want to?
Once you love - you hurt - you learn; and next time you know better.
Detached
Goaldiggers
You attract what you are. If you want great, then BE GREAT.
I recently came across a meme on Instagram that stated: “Fake b*tches will get with you because you have it all. A real woman will help you get it all.”
Real Women vs Fake Women
First of all, this real woman/fake woman theme has consumed all social media. “Real women have curves,” “Real women take care of their men,” “Real women cook,” etc. I understand that these recent trends may be considered an ego-boost to some, but as I‘ve said before, a compliment that simultaneously insults or humiliates another group is not a genuine compliment. Which is why it bothers me when women participate in these backward remarks. Sure, the “real woman have curves” movement may be looked as self-love, raising self-esteem, and diverting the public from our standard thin, blonde, 5’9, Caucasian models that dominate the media, BUT, what about the women who are naturally slim? Who eat and just cannot gain a pound even if they wanted to. Are they not, by your standards, ‘real women?’
This is what I mean when I say that we, as women, have to stick together. We have so many disadvantages that we can’t afford to be our own worst enemy. Like I said in my previous article called Self-Respect: “While bragging about her conservative way of dressing, how well-behaved she is, or knowing how to properly take care of a husband, she is unaware of the fact that she is simply giving into patriarchal beliefs and becoming the submissive significant other that reactionary men admire. They are this slut-shaming subculture of women who bash others for how they choose to act.” In this case, for how they look.
Repeat after me: Other women are not my competition. I will empower and support them. If they succeed, I succeed.
Okay –phew- now that that’s out of the way I can concentrate on the focal point of this article: standards.
Standards
The other fundamental flaw this meme promotes is assuming that it is a woman’s job to ‘help you get it all.’ Ladies, I hate to be a Debby Downer, (okay, no I don’t), but, it is the job of a man’s mother and father to raise him – NOT YOURS.
Too often, I see women get criticized for knowing what they want and deserve. Here’s an example: A woman meets a man at a bar (or something of the sort), they enjoy a conversation and decide to exchange numbers. After a few days of getting to know each other (obviously via text because it seems like this generation is terrified of voices and eye contact), the woman suddenly stops answering his messages as often as she used to. Essentially, this young lady, who has a full time job, is in college, and participating in an internship on her free time, was completely turned off by the man’s lifestyle. Sure, he was funny, they shared decent conversations and had similar taste in music, but she just decided that dating someone who spent most of his days playing Call of Duty and smoking weed (there's nothing wrong with weed) would eventually slow her down. He instinctively feels insulted and proceeds in calling her a gold-digger. Supporting his accusations by claiming that if he would’ve had a degree, an apartment, and a car, she would’ve given him a chance. Well, DUH.
There is nothing wrong with that, AT ALL. You know what you deserve and you will settle for nothing less. You are also aware of the fact that failure – much like success, is contagious.
I do not want anyone to confuse what I am saying here: this has nothing to do with possessions. Though valuables are sometimes viewed as an indicator of stability (only because owning a car or living on your own hints at your sanity and maturity), they aren’t as important as having drive and motivation.
The only thing worse than a broke person, is an unmotivated broke person.
Do the 5 people you spend the most time with reflect who you are and where you want to ultimately be?
Fixing Men
If you believe that you are out of somebody’s league – you most likely are. No need to feel bad. I’ve spent the past 22 years of my life trying to get my shit together, and I am still improving every single day. It is not your fault if a man has wasted his 26, 27, or 28 years, nor is it your job to try to fix him. That shit was cute back in High School.
“It’s not my job to make you a better man and I don’t give a shit if I’ve made you a better man. It’s not a fucking woman’s job to be consumed and invaded and spat out so that some fucking man can evolve.”
–Jenny Schecter, The L Word
I’m sure every woman knows the feeling of spending countless years molding a man out of what seems to be scraps, just to be left with nothing but a “thank you.” You ultimately realize that all your time, effort, and tears have constructed the perfect man[1]... for another woman. It is the sad reality for women everywhere, and I am personally taking a stand: I vow to no longer put myself through emotional and psychological turmoil in order for another human being to thrive. I vow to always remain the number one person in my own life – completely distinct from my significant other. I vow to be the change that I want to be in the world, instead of attempting to change another person.
If I had a dollar for every person that’s told me ‘You’ve made me a better man,’ I’d be a fuckin’ millionaire.
Like Attracts Like
It is a proven fact that you are what you think. Every single person that is currently in your life, is someone that you’ve attracted through your thoughts, words and actions. Which is why I’ve never understood how a person can talk badly about someone who they were romantically involved with. Your significant other will always reflect who YOU are as a person. Whether you are currently in that mental state or not – you definitely were at one point.
I’ve had 3 serious, long-term, ex-boyfriends and they are each the most amazing men I’ve ever come in contact with. Regardless of why the romance ended, I am forever grateful for the experience and knowledge it brought me.
I date incredible people, because I am an incredible person.
^repeat that to yourself.
“Because personality characteristics such as agreeableness, conscientiousness, and intelligence are all highly desirable on the mating market, those who possess more can command more of them in a mate. Those who lack these valuable personal assets can command less and so must limit their search to those with assets that are similar to theirs.”
–David M. Buss, The Evolution of Desire
A person doesn’t just wake up one day and say “Holy shit… I’m 30, unemployed and living with my mom.” That realization is a result of day after day of failure, and worst of all, lack of self-awareness. Stop looking for the right man/woman, and start becoming the right man/woman. YOU STILL HAVE TIME. Just do it.
You attract what you are. If you want great, then BE GREAT.
#mpfrias
[1] Perfect man: non-existent.
**Couldn't find the exact meme I was referring to, but this one portrays a similar idea.
-mp
Balance
Open Letter
An open letter to every man I’ve ever loved:
Dear Stranger,
I loved you when I was sure I would never love again. However, each time was a different kind of love. Regardless of the type, they were all equally as life-changing.
Every man that I’ve ever loved has been the same person: sarcastic, ambitious, and stubborn. A man so incredibly blinded by the thought of success, that his tunnel-vision caused him to over-look the small advantages that he’s received. Never satisfied with his winnings; always with a relentless hunger for more.
I’ve always thought of you as a reflection of myself because at some point in time, you showed me both who I ought to be and who I refused to become. On one hand, I admire you: A person who is so incredibly drowned in his work, that he sometimes forgets to come up for air. At the same time, however, I detested being numbers 3 and 4 on your list of priorities.
You were selfish.
I wanted to fix you.
I became absorbed by your demeanor and consumed by your character. In exchange, you assimilated my code of ethics and mentality into your life. I became you, and you became me.
In the process of finding you, however, I lost myself.
Our timing was off.
The problem with relationships is that there is no such thing as starting fresh. You transport all the luggage from your previous affairs into this new connection and whether you like it or not, your perception is altered.
After some time, I came to the conclusion that I could break my own heart – I didn’t need your help.
Though I am no longer the person who runs her fingers through your hair, or the woman who sits with you in the car at 11pm listening to you detach yourself from the heaviness of your day, I will always be here.
I am going to live in your innermost thoughts. I will turn your mirror into my home and always reemerge just when you think I’ve entirely departed.
Keep making me proud, keep making yourself proud.
Love always,
#mpfrias
Ps. If you think I am writing about you, I am.
Self-Respect
Slut-shaming: A neologism used to describe the act of making any person feel guilty or inferior for certain sexual behavior or desires that deviate from tradition or orthodox gender expectations.
“If women want to be respected, they have to give us something to respect.”
We basically have to EARN the right to be treated like a human being? How about you respect every person you meet, regardless of whether they take pictures in their underwear or not, simply because they’re a human being?
“A girl worth kissing is not easily kissed”
The difficulty in kissing a girl usually depends more on who you are. Girls who kiss easily are not worth any less than girls who don’t. A woman’s worth is not determined by her sexual experience.
What’s the difference between venerating women for being fuckable and putting them on a purity pedestal? In both cases, women’s worth is contingent upon their ability to please men and shape their sexual identities around what men want. –Jessica Valenti
Women vs. Women
Using the tactical, deliberate, and highly effective method of reverse-psychology, society has successfully brainwashed a generation whilst implementing their patriarchal beliefs and ultimately conceiving a new breed of women. This ‘new breed’ is what I like to call 2014’s version of ‘The Stepford Wives.’ These are the females who put so much effort into being ‘good women,’ that they are completely oblivious to the camouflaged motives behind their morals. The women who take ‘pride’ in ‘not being like the rest.’ The ones who, in the sad, and usually unsuccessful, attempt to give themselves a self-esteem boost, coincidentally bring other women down.
Other women are not your competition.
You should be able to empower yourself without simultaneously degrading your own sex.
You’ll be able to find this recently developed, and disappointingly naive category of women in any social network you log-in to. While bragging about her conservative way of dressing, how well-behaved she is, or knowing how to properly take care of a husband, she is unaware of the fact that she is simply giving into patriarchal beliefs and becoming the submissive significant other that reactionary men admire. They are this slut-shaming subculture of women who bash others for how they choose to act.
In the words of Ms. Norbury (Tina Fey in ‘Mean Girls’):
“You all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores!
It just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores!”
However, just because these stuck-up ‘I’m better than you because I act like a lady and you don’t’ women exist, we cannot confuse them for the people who’s natural disposition is reserved. One of my closest friends is a very quiet person. She doesn’t drink and she wouldn’t wear anything too short or too tight, because she personally doesn’t like it. What is the difference between her and this new breed of women? She does not condemn other women who make alternative choices.
“We raise women to cater to the fragile egos of men.
We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller.
We teach girls shame – close your legs, cover yourself!
We make them feel as though by being born female they’re already guilty of something.
And so girls grow up to be women who cannot see they have desire.
They grow up to be women who silence themselves.
They grow up to be women who cannot say what they truly think.
And they grow up – and this is the worst thing we do to girls –
they grow up to be women who turn pretense into an art form.“
–Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie “We Should All be Feminists”
Ladies, we already have the rest of the humanity against us – why are we also detrimental to each other? Cut the jealousy, drop the resentment and judgmental acts, and praise your nearest woman! Empower, improve, and congratulate each other.
Men vs. Women
There is really not much of an argument here. I know I have a lot of male readers and I just need you to get through your thick skulls that women are YOUR EQUAL. If you think you can explore your sexuality and live your life guilt-free, then find an untouched, submissive woman to settle down with when you’re done having your fun – you are sadly fucking mistaken (or at least I hope so). All this double-standard bullshit is getting sooo old.
Slut, n. A woman with the morals of a man.
Why aren’t men called sluts? And I don’t mean the ‘funny’ version of the word, which is what most males use. Calling a woman a slut is something purposely derogatory – calling a man one is usually taken as a joke.
What any woman does with her body is NONE of your business. To be more specific: how she dresses, who she dates, how often she has sex and with whom, should not be any of your concern – and talking about her will not make you any more relevant. If the way I dress bothers you, stop looking. We will not change the way we dress because it is more convenient for your lack of self-control. If you seriously choose to remove someone that makes you happy from your life because of her past, you’re a fucking idiot.
“We’ve been a taught a woman’s body will cause men to sin.
We’re told that if a woman shows too much of her body men will do stupid things.
Let’s be clear: A woman’s body is not dangerous to you.
Her body will not cause you harm. It will not make you do stupid things.
If you do stupid things, it is because you chose to do stupid things.
So don’t contribute to the fear that exists between men and women.
A woman, or any human being, should not have to dress to get your attention.
You should give them the full attention they deserve simply because they are a fellow human being.
On the other side, a woman should not have to feel like she needs to protect you from you.
You need to be in control of you.”
–Nate Pyle
“How to See a Woman: A Conversation Between a Father and Son”
If I am tricked into going to a club, which usually happens as a result of someone’s birthday, I will most likely be the person sitting by the hookah, guarding the clutches. This is not for any other reason than the simple fact that I don’t like clubs. I rarely dance; I hate their standard choice of Hennessy, Grey Goose, or Black Label with Cranberry mix; it is way too loud for a conversation; and they’re ridiculously overpriced. That is MY personal opinion of clubs, and has nothing to do with anybody else. I’m more of a dirty martini over dinner or beer at a bar kind of girl.
Though this behavior says nothing about my personality, I get approached A LOT by morons claiming that I am the type of woman they’re looking for. I’m assuming that by ‘type of woman,’ they’re suggesting that I am a well-behaved robot because I’m not on the dance floor twerking like some of my friends. Little do they know, that the reason why I am not on the dance floor is not because I am his future wife in training, but because I’m fantasizing about doing jägerbombs or joining a chugging contest with the bartender.
My point is everybody has his or her own definition of fun. Just because I personally don’t dance on tables does not mean I am any more of a person than someone who does. Wearing a long dress doesn’t make you better than someone with a short one. Waiting four months to have sex vs. waiting four days will not make a difference, and letting loose at a party does not make you any less marriable than someone who chooses not to.
Self-respect, is exactly that – a person’s respect for THEMSELVES. What the fuck does that have to do with you? A woman can kiss 83 men and 14 women and still respect herself, so shut the fuck up already! Self-respect has nothing to do with sex or nudity. It has to do with making decisions that make you happy. If you are a virgin, that’s okay; and if you like casual sex, that’s also okay! Trust me, I DON’T CARE what you do, who you want to be with or what you want to look like (and you shouldn’t either).
Be happy, spread good vibes, and mind your damn business!
#mpfrias
