The ultimate key to happiness lies within your ability to catch and release… the latter being the most important of the two. Humans have a destructive habit of hoarding feelings for longer than what they’re meant to linger, unknowingly damaging their own being.
A widely celebrated fact is that thoughts produce energy, which ultimately construct the world around us. Unfortunately, the power that a negative idea possesses will always prevail over positive ones. Which is exactly why ‘letting go’ is such a vital exercise to practice.
“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.”
Last summer, me and four other people were on our way back home from Jones Beach when our car hit another on the highway. We did a complete 360 and skidded off the road. Though the car was totaled and we experienced the scare of a lifetime, we were all extremely lucky that it was sedan that hit us (as opposed to those transformer trucks that typically dominate the freeway). After catching our breath and finally having a chance to sit-down, my younger brother said something strangely compelling: “I’m not surprised that we got into an accident… I saw it coming.” My cousin, another passenger in the newly destroyed vehicle, agrees with “I did too! I was hoping we wouldn’t crash the entire time.” We soon discovered that every single person in the car, including the driver, thought about getting into an accident at least once before finally crashing.
Think of your brain as a magnet. An imaginary, yet powerful magnet that attracts every thought you conceive. Now, envision a car filled to capacity, with five intense magnets – all thinking the same thing: car accident, car accident, car accident. Granted, every person’s thought was hoping against an accident – but the only thing the magnet recovers is: car accident, car accident, car accident.
You’re probably thinking, “is this psycho really implying that she and her annoying friends attracted such a horrible event into their lives?” And I am here to say yes, that is exactly what I’m saying.
The origin of our fear came from different places. First of all, we were drinking at the beach (not the best idea, I know. Spare me from the drunk-driving speech, that was last summer and I am very much aware of what a stupid choice that was). My point is that that alone was enough to make everyone in the car instantly aware of the possible repercussions. Secondly, we were speeding (I had to pee. I told you that I wasn’t the best decision maker in 2013). And finally, we drove past like 40 fricking accidents. Seriously, every time I looked out the damn window there was another car pile-up. It’s like I couldn’t get the damn thought out of my mind even if I tried!
^That right there was a perfect example of A. How much I can ramble on about a subject and B. How detrimental pessimistic thoughts can be.
Every single miserable person that you’ve ever come across has one thing in common: they don’t know how to let go of the past. These human carriers of negative energy are very easy to detect: the concept of ‘moving on’ is completely abstract in their eyes, and they probably feel as if the world, or someone in particular, owes them something. They are very easily angered, and the slightest trigger can throw off their entire day.
Here is something that those people all have to read: Nobody owes you anything. Even those who’ve done you wrong.
I know the topic of forgiveness is a tough one to mention, but it is absolutely vital for survival. Trust me, it is just so so so much easier to let go. Most of the time you are condensing all of your energy and directing it towards one person who is more than likely sleeping like a baby at night. You’re only hurting yourself.
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison
and expecting the other person to die"
Last semester I had a professor I fucking worshipped (uh-oh, here comes another rant). She was gorgeous, intelligent and funny. She looked like Katy Perry and dressed like Audrey Hep. She taught “Women and Gender in the Americas,” as I sat in the front, drooling. On the first day of class she silently walked into the room, took off her blazer, that was once layering over her knee-length black dress, and exposed her tattooed arm. She then took the time to explain the meaning of every single tattoo on her body, which we later found that each was representing some kind of American feminist movement in history. Basically, she was perfect in my eyes.
That day, she also warned us of her harsh grading, but that was never an issue for me so I didn’t think much of it.
She gave me a C+.
That’s a 78.
Do I look like the type of person that gets 78’s?
I have straight fucking A’s, how dare!
Who the fuck does she think she is?
And to top it off, I emailed her, and the asshole didn’t even answer! Just writing about it makes me want to throw my phone against a wall!
*takes deep breath*
I spent a lonngggg time hoping this woman breaks her leg or something horrible (but not deadly) happens to her.
Does she give a fuck? No, I do.
Is she losing sleep? No, I am.
Am I a bit cynical? LOL Trick question.
Think of every person who has done you wrong:
Every ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend who cheated.
Every friend who’s ever stabbed you in the back.
Every family member who wasn’t there for you when you needed them to be.
Every professor you’ve worshipped who’s given you an unjust grade (or is that just me?)
Think of that person, take a deep breath and say “I forgive you.” By doing so, you are not only releasing all of your negative energy but you are also freeing yourself, which is what’s most important. You deserve peace.
Here are a few tips to letting go, hope they help!
1. Do not shut it out
In order to let go, you have to first be able to fully feel. Ignoring a problem will not make it go away. Try to understand people – what they did and why. Listen. Rationalize. Breathe.
It sounds super corny but crying really does help. It releases toxins and harmful chemicals that build up in your body due to stress. Studies show that people feel mentally and emotionally better after they cry. Just be sure to suck it up after, we don’t need any of that whining shit here.
3. When things are over, they have to really be over
Bringing problems up whenever something reminds you of them simply steals your joy. Your boyfriend cheated, you ‘forgave him’ and decided to give it another shot – cool. Why the hell do you feel the need to start an argument whenever you see the chick’s instagram name on your feed? Its either you forgive him or you don’t – stop being annoying. That kind of behavior will only lead to the unhappiness of both parties, when odds are that he probably DID learn his lesson and is honestly trying! (This goes for men as well, fellas – you’re not off the hook).
I can honestly say that I do not hate or even strongly dislike anybody. As fucked up as our past may be, love or indifference is all I will ever feel.