You attract what you are. If you want great, then BE GREAT.
I recently came across a meme on Instagram that stated: “Fake b*tches will get with you because you have it all. A real woman will help you get it all.”
Real Women vs Fake Women
First of all, this real woman/fake woman theme has consumed all social media. “Real women have curves,” “Real women take care of their men,” “Real women cook,” etc. I understand that these recent trends may be considered an ego-boost to some, but as I‘ve said before, a compliment that simultaneously insults or humiliates another group is not a genuine compliment. Which is why it bothers me when women participate in these backward remarks. Sure, the “real woman have curves” movement may be looked as self-love, raising self-esteem, and diverting the public from our standard thin, blonde, 5’9, Caucasian models that dominate the media, BUT, what about the women who are naturally slim? Who eat and just cannot gain a pound even if they wanted to. Are they not, by your standards, ‘real women?’
This is what I mean when I say that we, as women, have to stick together. We have so many disadvantages that we can’t afford to be our own worst enemy. Like I said in my previous article called Self-Respect: “While bragging about her conservative way of dressing, how well-behaved she is, or knowing how to properly take care of a husband, she is unaware of the fact that she is simply giving into patriarchal beliefs and becoming the submissive significant other that reactionary men admire. They are this slut-shaming subculture of women who bash others for how they choose to act.” In this case, for how they look.
Repeat after me: Other women are not my competition. I will empower and support them. If they succeed, I succeed.
Okay –phew- now that that’s out of the way I can concentrate on the focal point of this article: standards.
The other fundamental flaw this meme promotes is assuming that it is a woman’s job to ‘help you get it all.’ Ladies, I hate to be a Debby Downer, (okay, no I don’t), but, it is the job of a man’s mother and father to raise him – NOT YOURS.
Too often, I see women get criticized for knowing what they want and deserve. Here’s an example: A woman meets a man at a bar (or something of the sort), they enjoy a conversation and decide to exchange numbers. After a few days of getting to know each other (obviously via text because it seems like this generation is terrified of voices and eye contact), the woman suddenly stops answering his messages as often as she used to. Essentially, this young lady, who has a full time job, is in college, and participating in an internship on her free time, was completely turned off by the man’s lifestyle. Sure, he was funny, they shared decent conversations and had similar taste in music, but she just decided that dating someone who spent most of his days playing Call of Duty and smoking weed (there's nothing wrong with weed) would eventually slow her down. He instinctively feels insulted and proceeds in calling her a gold-digger. Supporting his accusations by claiming that if he would’ve had a degree, an apartment, and a car, she would’ve given him a chance. Well, DUH.
There is nothing wrong with that, AT ALL. You know what you deserve and you will settle for nothing less. You are also aware of the fact that failure – much like success, is contagious.
I do not want anyone to confuse what I am saying here: this has nothing to do with possessions. Though valuables are sometimes viewed as an indicator of stability (only because owning a car or living on your own hints at your sanity and maturity), they aren’t as important as having drive and motivation.
The only thing worse than a broke person, is an unmotivated broke person.
Do the 5 people you spend the most time with reflect who you are and where you want to ultimately be?
If you believe that you are out of somebody’s league – you most likely are. No need to feel bad. I’ve spent the past 22 years of my life trying to get my shit together, and I am still improving every single day. It is not your fault if a man has wasted his 26, 27, or 28 years, nor is it your job to try to fix him. That shit was cute back in High School.
“It’s not my job to make you a better man and I don’t give a shit if I’ve made you a better man. It’s not a fucking woman’s job to be consumed and invaded and spat out so that some fucking man can evolve.”
–Jenny Schecter, The L Word
I’m sure every woman knows the feeling of spending countless years molding a man out of what seems to be scraps, just to be left with nothing but a “thank you.” You ultimately realize that all your time, effort, and tears have constructed the perfect man... for another woman. It is the sad reality for women everywhere, and I am personally taking a stand: I vow to no longer put myself through emotional and psychological turmoil in order for another human being to thrive. I vow to always remain the number one person in my own life – completely distinct from my significant other. I vow to be the change that I want to be in the world, instead of attempting to change another person.
If I had a dollar for every person that’s told me ‘You’ve made me a better man,’ I’d be a fuckin’ millionaire.
Like Attracts Like
It is a proven fact that you are what you think. Every single person that is currently in your life, is someone that you’ve attracted through your thoughts, words and actions. Which is why I’ve never understood how a person can talk badly about someone who they were romantically involved with. Your significant other will always reflect who YOU are as a person. Whether you are currently in that mental state or not – you definitely were at one point.
I’ve had 3 serious, long-term, ex-boyfriends and they are each the most amazing men I’ve ever come in contact with. Regardless of why the romance ended, I am forever grateful for the experience and knowledge it brought me.
I date incredible people, because I am an incredible person.
^repeat that to yourself.
“Because personality characteristics such as agreeableness, conscientiousness, and intelligence are all highly desirable on the mating market, those who possess more can command more of them in a mate. Those who lack these valuable personal assets can command less and so must limit their search to those with assets that are similar to theirs.”
–David M. Buss, The Evolution of Desire
A person doesn’t just wake up one day and say “Holy shit… I’m 30, unemployed and living with my mom.” That realization is a result of day after day of failure, and worst of all, lack of self-awareness. Stop looking for the right man/woman, and start becoming the right man/woman. YOU STILL HAVE TIME. Just do it.
You attract what you are. If you want great, then BE GREAT.
 Perfect man: non-existent.